Why marriage before kids?

A child is a being that has been brought into this world without his/her’s consent or request, but rather of two people’s decision to have sex.

Marriage, on the other hand is a culturally and legally recognized union between two people that establishes rights and obligations and is formalized through a ceremony or/and contract. Marriage is a union that requires responsibility and accountability to one another. It’s between two people that have decided to be together. The value of this bond includes commitment, love, trust, respect and communication, honesty, empathy, partnership, shared goals, and so many others that may or may not fall under one of these.

Some people believe that marriage is an institution that you can’t graduate from. I don’t agree with this. But the origin of this statement may be linked to the fact that marriage is a serious commitment. It’s a commitment that requires a lot more commitment and dedication than the relationship pre-marriage. Deciding to commit to someone other than yourself for the rest of your life is not a decision that is made without consideration. There is a level of responsibility that comes with marriage.

The dedication and commitment that make up a marriage serves as a foundation for the amount of effort you need to put in with children.

A child is the sole responsibility of the parents, till further notice. Marriage provides a form of structure for the child. Getting married is a big step and so is having a child.

“Getting married” and “having a child” are not synonymous in effort or importance. They are related to each other, but not dependent on each other.

Marriage puts a stamp on a relationship. It defines and makes clear what it is that is going on in the relationship. Children, on the other hand, are a huge responsibility—you are responsible for the life of another human.

The ability of a person to stay in a marriage does not determine whether or not they would make a great parent. Getting married doesn’t make one a good person. Marriage requires dedication, and so does raising children.

So when some people say, “Don’t have kids before getting married”, it’s not because marriage makes you a good person, but because marriage teaches your perseverance, effort, commitment, and many other values. All of these values are needed to make one a good parent.

And bringing a child into a relationship with no structure or clear definition is like plucking a mango from a mango tree and placing it on the ground. This mango didn’t ask you to pluck it, you plucked it because you wanted to or even mistakenly did it. But at the end of the day, you did it, so you have to cater for it.

A relationship that can be ended at any time without a second thought or mourned with a few tears is not a relationship which children should be brought into.

This is not to say that divorced or unmarried people do not make good parents. This is simply to say that marriage, at its best, can serve as one avenue to build the values needed for parenting.

Not all marriages are at their best; hence, not all marriages are ready for children.

This piece discusses marriage ‘‘at its best’’.